want to look like my mom

What a year..where has it gone? I can't believe that this year has gone by so fast. I am so homesick..I can't stand it. I wish I could fly home tomorrow. I feel like I need to be in california. I can't leave Andee; she's not doing well at all. I'm worried, she is too. Her medicine is not working like it should be. I can't leave her alone. She's sleeping with me; she's upset about that and doesn't know what to do. I wish I could take on her disease and make her better; I would give my life for that to happen.
I can't turn to anyone, they don't understand. Sometimes, I don't think I do either, but I'm her hope, rock, and rope. Ralph isn't here..
The economic situation in this county is bad. My heart is hurting for all of those people that are out of work. I was at the unemployment agency today to drop off flyers to our GED program and thought, we are just one paycheck away of being here. My hopes are on the new president, I know that he has a very big task to undertake..I hope he has the support to do this.
Sorry for being negative, but lately, that's all my job is..encountering people who just want to work, have insurance and take care of their families.
Enjoy the pic of my 68 year old mom..she's at a late night run:),
tommiann

my mom

I miss my mom...sometimes I wish I live in Sacramento. If I could move and not be behind financially, I would do it right now. I have missed out on my mom growing old, my sister's children growing up and having a relationship with my sister. I love my husband, but at times, I wonder what i have given up to move, move and move. And now, he's in another country. I wonder what God has in mind for me....I miss teaching, not doing that at my job because of the political climate and people's feelings about immigrants....the list goes on.
The political climate has personally affected my family and I wish that things could go back to normal. I wonder if this election will change things, no matter who's in office. Most people do not have the issues that my family have..a special needs child/no health insurance, a job that directly impacts undocumented immigrants, a retired military husband...so this election is important to us. I do not know who will get in office; I pray that the person who does get elected will care for the middle class family and will try to take care of us, the working family making ends meet.
t

Work day

http://vimeo.com/2008414
I'm not sure if this will work or not..but this video is about work..how much time we spend at work..and does it matter or not..does it?
Lately, I think what I do doesn't matter...politics, work politics,economy, and so forth..seem to interfere with what I want to do..teach ESL to adults.
I told my husband that I just want to teach..that's all. I think all I do now is shuffle paperwork, same ole story, same ole song, same chapter,same scratched record.
I know I make a difference in people's lives...it is the nature of my work. But, work politics is not helping any..what I mean is..I believe our new dean is not for our students..he doesn't know what he is doing,and thinks he does. He doesn't listen to the people in the trenches..he's listening to people who aren't in the trenches..sounds like our political climate, doesn't it?
I'm tired...I'm tired of not having "upper" administration not caring or supporting what we do. How long will our program continue if the upper admin. in our college doesn't see the good of people getting their GED's? Sounds too simple, but it's the truth.
tommiann

Why?

Do you ever wonder why we make the decisions that we make? And do these decisions make us happy?
I used to love my job, but now the aspects are too overwhelming. I'm not teaching, and really not doing too much else. Most people would be happy about getting paid to not do much, but I want to make a difference. It seems that the college's admin. does not like Basic Skills and trying to not let us grow and help students. Our budget is short and we need to cut classes in order to make ends meet. This isn't suppose to be our mission...other colleges put in monies to help basic skills, but my college doesn't. Why? Our unemployment is rising from 8.1 % to more in Dec. 600 people are going to be laid off by May of next year in our county. Basic Skills is their hope, but how are we going to serve these students if we have no money? Where are we going to put these students? Why doesn't the college seem to care?
My supervisor is getting tired...it's difficult to keep pushing for our students and no one is listening.
The above pic is my ESL class working on their thoughts of the US and how much they enjoy living in the US. They only say good things about the U.S. and how much they love the free education for themselves and their children. Interesting, isn't it?

My husband's dad

Ralph's father died Sept 30th....10 years after my dad..Lawrence's birthday is the same day as my dad's, weird.
It's been a very difficult day. Ralph left for Saudia today; he didn't want to go back. How do you as a wife, tell your husband he has to go? I didn't know what to do..his job is there. With the economy in the shape it's in, I don't think we have much of a choice. His job is an airplane mechanic...who's going to fly with the economy in the shape it's in?
He likes his job in Saudia, but he HATES being away from me. I hate it too, but what is the answer?
Andee has health insurance through this company. His other company would not insure Andee..it's not an option.
With his father's death and leaving me, he isn't doing too well.
I think with getting back to a schedule, and the doldrums of the day, it should get a bit easier, but the holidays will be difficult.
This is the part of getting older, losing parents is never easy..combine that with leaving the country, and it's a recipe for emotional mess.
Well, that's all for now
tommiann

My dad

I miss my dad...Margo (my supervisor) dad died this weekend..ironcially, it's the same weekend...exactly 10 years ago, that my father died. I miss him sooo very much. He was known as "the legend" all across the country. he was a gentle and wise soul and to this day, I miss him. Losing a parent is never easy, and I still think of him every day. It may not hurt as much, but I still miss him just as much. People say the stupidest things..but life doesn't prepare you, no matter what age, to lose a parent. If I could just have "one more day" with my dad, I would take it in a heartbeat. I would give up a million dollars to have one more day with him.
Margo loved her dad as much as I loved mine...and she had him much longer than I had mine...but the pain is still the same. Getting older doesn't make it better...I wish it did, but that is the fallacy...age doesn't always make it better...just explains it better, maybe. I had a very difficult childhood, but my dad was the hope. I hope that I was just as good as my father was as a parent. I hope and pray my daughters will remember me with the same fondness I have for my dad. Well, I guess that's enough digressing!
tommiann

Eternet back!

I really have missed blogging. My internet has been down and it has been an act of God to get it reconnected. It's quite hilarious. Thought modem was fried, bought another modem, didn't work, returned it..bought another modem, didn't work, come to find out..bell south moved to AT&T and it was disconnected. Got the order to reconnect it and of course, my outside line was dead. Then took another week for a tech to come out and have it reconnected! I think this is an I Love Lucy episode in the present time.
Bryanna is doing ok. She's poor as a church mouse but making things work. Her school is going well..of course, that's no surprise. I always knew she was smart, too bad she didn't believe it and dummied herself down to match other people. I wish what we know as women in our forties, we knew when we were younger, things would be better. To hell what everyone else thinks!
Andee is loving her job at Bravos and really doing great.
Ralph is settling in Saudia Arabia. Interesting outlook on things..he's struggling with a different cultural perspective, but I think it does him some good. I think we Americans are arogant and forget that we are not the only ones sharing this world. Although...I do love being an American Woman!
ESL is still in the toilet. I don't have any hopes of it returning to its old glory days. Writing three grants..not my thing...I wish I could just teach. I love teaching and miss it sooo much.
I have had two of my former teachers ask for references..they are great people and know that they will be great. It's just that I wish sometimes the same opportunities would just float my way. However, I do think I'm where I should be for now...
Too much to type...
tommiann